i can't believe this.
you're probably not going to ever come here
but i still want to say it!
you told everyone the truth
and kept me from it.
thanks alot!
i thought we were suppose
to let each other know everything.
but in the end
you hide it all from me.
ask if im pissed?
yes INDEED.
so much for being such a good friend!
DAMNIT
shit you!
you actually lied to me.
THANKYOU!
vin
im so glad that we're acting like grown ups.
no avoiding shit and stuff.
well, i guess that it's time we grew up eh?!
haha.
coming to think of it.
it's nearly two years
BUT with breaks in between of others.
im glad that you're nicer
somehow i don't know why.
but we're talking more IF we see each other
so. bid the awkwardness farewell.
i've decided that im not going to let my liking for you
ruin this friendship that we took some time to build
after the last incident.
so NO WAY am i going to let this time crush it!
not worth.
i don't know abt you but
i feel that we're trying to save this friendship.
it's precious to me you know!
and im dead serious abt that!!
haha.
im not going to be a chicken anymore.
im going to face it.
and talk!
shut up and shut out no more.
but still i want to be quiet.
you get what i mean la.
SMILE((:
you make my flaws fade and my best rise upyou bring out the best in me.
vin
im learning how to be quiet
talk only when neccesary.
atleast i'll be like that in school
talking too much gets you no where anyway.
so the next time if you see me
and im damnit quiet.
don't ask if im feeling tired or down
that would be the tipical me
from now on.
talk less
less mistakes.
oh, if i don't say hi
don't blame me either.
from now on.
i'll just smile at you.
a smile speaks more thatn words.
my own crazy theory.
lastly, im learning how not to show my feelings
be it happy or sad
how great it would be
if no one knows how you feel.
be it happy or sad.
just keep it all in.
ok maybe showing happiness is good.
im going to just be happy all the time.
and keep the rest in.
GREAT idea!
HAH.
vin
im rather happy today.
heard some stuff on thursday night
how unpleasent some pple can get eh??
oh well
i'll just leave it behind me for now.
im too happy to even bother abt such assholes
FRIDAY
was at east coast for the whole day
with the church youth.
they sure cheer up my day!!
love them to bits pls.
everyone gathered at the bus stop outside school
uncle anthony came with christine.
thanks to them
not many of us had to take a bus there.
he took 6 pple in the car.
so left with edward, marcus, ethel her two friends and me.
we took a bus there.
surprisingly we were faster than those who took the car??
hahaha.
they were caught in a jam.
oh well.
got to pastor's hse.
ate our lunch there.
had a short woship session.
then it was time to go down to the beach!!
whooo.
had this race thing
cycling and running
amos and luther did that.
they had to run from where we were to macs
which was damnit far!!
then buy a cheese burger and fries.
and on the way back
find a pong pong
a cone and a coconut.
they did well la
considering the fact that the coconuts went missing.
there were none on the beach when we wanted one
hah.
too bad for us then
while the two guys were running
the rest of the team had to build sand castles.
those pple just had to sit there and pick shells
and make me do the dirty work
damnit!
but who cares
it turned out not as well
BUT better than the rest.
we got second for that!!
the first did some turtle.
NICE((:
well done!
the turtle was so cute pls.
then came the fun part.
free and easy time!!
hahaha
so i decided to rent a kayak.
took turns with it.
me and john my brother went off first.
i could not go far into the sea
cause my gay brother just had to be scared that he would drown!
and he had a life jacket??
went back to shore
my other brother, marcus and chiang's turn they went out rather far.
was playing in the sea picking shells
with john, christine, edward.
found some really nice ones!
when marcus and chiang came back
me and edward went out.
we paddled damn fast??
we were speeding through the water
haha
actually we wanted to go and catch up with the rest who were so far out??
when we finally got there.
amos just had to throw my enemy at me!!
the COCONUT.
damn.
but who cares la.
the waves got rather big
so me and edward decided to go back to shore.
we paddled for awhile and realised that we were not really moving
the current was so strong!
my arms were aching while we were paddling.
paddled so hard la.
then finally we caught up speed and went all the way back!
continued to play in the sea.
pickig shells and just being pushed by the waves back to shore.
fun Fun FUN!!
then i got tired of it.
so i went back on shore and went to wash up.
by that time it was already 6 plus plus.
left my bag in the house
and guess what??
all my stuff was in there lah!
damnit.
after i went to wash off the sand and what not.
i got back and i saw RACHEL!!
happy pls.
but sadly she could't go back to the house with us
she had to stay there with my mom
to look after the bags of those who were still playing.
but atleast she played abit??
hahaha.
then the few of us helped to ride the bikes back.
got up to the house.
took turns to bath.
and back down to do work!!
start the BBQ fire!
the heat was good.
so hot that you could't even put your hand there??
but then it died soon after that.
so sad:(
so the adults took over and started cooking.
talked crap for almost the whole night there.
then before nine everyone started to talk abt the 9 o'clock show.
so we went back up to the house to watch it.
well,
it ended nicely.
everyone got wh0 they wanted.
everyone got married and some had kidds??
haha.
then we initially wanted to stay at pastors hse overnight.
but then the venue switched to my hse.
hahaha.
not many la.
5 guys slept in my brothers room
while me and rachel we in my room
we had to whole room to ourselves!!
haha they guys must be so jealous
well you can't possibly want your guest to sleep on the floor right??
so i slept on the floor.
anyway im used to it since i always sleep on the floor in my brother's room
too lazy to go back to my own room after i use the com
hahaha
firstly we called raina but too bad
she was on the other line with someone else.
haha
so we called elysa.
talked till abt one plus to her
then we hung up.
then me and rachel talked till i don't know what time la.
we dozed off to sleep.
then in the morning went to church for baptism class.
the smart rachel just had to arrange it at 7.30??
maddness!
well good luck dearie for your race today((:
do well and make me proud!
vin
i knew you could not come anyway.
it's alright
vin
TWIN I KNOW YOU LOVE ME!! =P
vin
looks like the wait for you to come online
or your call
is just going to be in vain.
SIGH
vin
ok im so bored and blogging is just going to accompany me
i don't care if it wants to or not.
hahaha.
oh well
how time really flies
like i said in the 2c1 blog
it remembered that awhile ago
i was dragging myself out of bed
at 6 in the morning
not wanting to go to school
but look!
now it's the march hols.
one term had passed.
10 weeks is gone just snap* like that!!
gosh that's damnit fast.
soon before i know it.
i'll be pulling my hair out for the end year papers.
how unfair it is.
i thought this year would be damnit easy as it's repeated.
i should get better results.
i expected better than what i got this term
i mean,
come on man! it's REPEATED!!
you should know it well enough already!
but oh no.
i don't.
those who retained with me are running.
im still crawling.
DAMN this is bad
i better start studying.
tho i may not even use the skills that im learning now.
i still have to do it why??
cos i have no choice!
i need those subjects to pull up my damn 'O' level grades.
to get into a good bloody jc
if not polly.
FISH this country!
why are we so forced
it's like what you do now will affect your life forever.
no changes can be made.
no changes.
the goverment just wants to pave out our whole life journey for us.
like for those who are in EM3.
i think they are the ones i sympathize with.
i mean weather they do well or not.
once your in EM3 you have to go normal in sec school.
then when you're in normal unless you do well
you'll remain there.
if you do well then good for you
cos you get to go to express.
then those who are in normal tech
they go straight to ITE???
not saying that ITE is bad.
but i mean they don't even get a chance??
maybe im just seeing things from a small window thats why.
but it's what its like down here that affects everyone right??
oh DAMNIT
how i hate this.
so much for me being able to relax
and take things easier this year eh??
oh crap.
vin
i just got home!
so tired
so bored.
there's no one online
except for rainy's sister!!
haha.
and im talking to her.
i've been talking to her for like the past few days.
RAINA DOESN'T WANT TO TALK TO ME!!!
damn her.
first you bully me then now??
so you think like that you very nice la?!
my ass pls!
hahaha
i kept thinking of you.
is it wrong for me to be doing this??
pls tell me if you do feel the same.
though what im having now is just an infactuation.
i still would like to know.
if it's a no say it straight in my face
im praying this does not affect our friendship.
vin
went out with matt and raina today
first off to ah keow to cut hair.
matt had hers cut
then it was my turn.
i could't take it so we went to hougang mall
to let me wash the hair off.
HAHA.
it was so damn itchy pls.
then up to the food court to have out lunch
me and raina ate chicken rice.
while matt the hungry one ate oings organ's soup with rice??
haha.
then topped up my card at the MRT station.
raina did too.
then we were off the BISHAN!!
but first we were kind enough to take the mrt with matt to serangoon
then take another bus down to bishan
THIS IS WHEN THE BULLING BEGINS!!
my shoes were damnit white and super clean.
and THIS raina just had to STEP on it.
and my toe was in great PAIN.
nail is giving me problems.
hurtful.
NEVERMIND!!
now my shoes are BLACK!!
damn.
so we checked the timing for i do i do.
bought our rubbish and went in there.
its damn funny la.
i was laughing through the whole show!
funny funny.
sadly we didn't take neos.
haha.
oh, after that since we had this free pinky shit.
some feather of some sort.
it was attatched to a pencil.
so while raina was in the toilet.
i stuck it behind my ear.
she came out of the cubicle and started laughing.
damn funny la.
hahah.
yea.
waited for verns.
walked around the whole shopping centre.
then finally she came
i thought i was going to have double bullying
but lucky for me verns took no sides.
but she helped me once tho!
haha.
RAINA I WIN!!
until i don't know what happened
verns started teaching raina how to pinch me???!!!
PAIN ARH!!!
i nearly fainted.
haha.
just kidding la.
and and WARNING TO ALL.
raina's fingers has like needles.
she poked me and it hurt damn alot or smth.
damn that was pain.
but after all i enjoyed myself alot.
laughing the whole day.
then cab
bed back with raina.
had cell somewhere near her hse.
i lent you a shoulder.
im having an infactuation of some sort on you?
shit.
vin
i've made up my mind already.
i will not let you know
of you do
then so be it.
but im not going to tell you
that i love you.
it's dumb
i don't want to make the same mistake again.
well you said that you've grown up
but i heard that you told someone
that you still would run and hide.
saying that it was only natural that someone did that
do you know how hurting that is??
can you imagine someone that you love so deeply
running away from you.
how much your heart will bleed and ach from that pain.
im made of flesh and blood too.
i feel the pain too.
im not a thing.
not it.
im a her.
don't treat me this way.
to be honest i think that what you're doing now
is good enough
i won't and will not ask for more.
so long as we're friends
you treat me as a normal friend
i'll be more than happy
thats enough for me to fly to the moon
or even the sun.(i'll most probably die before i get there tho)
you know who you are.
when you do come visit.
pls admit to yourself that it's you.
i love you and thats that.
vin
your actions leave me puzzled.
do you really hate me this much?
i know i can be irritating
but i don't even show it
when i see you.
it's just to me and myself.
right?!
i know
it's just going to be
the TIME factor AGAIN??
shitt.
i hate this.
it totally sucks
maybe i should walk away
and just pretend that nothing happened.
say im right.
vin
it's been only one day that i've not seen you
and im missing you so much already
what will that week of hols do to me??
kill me?!
im going to die.
you're already a part of me.
when you're not here
i feel as if somethings amiss
a part of flesh pulled away.
out of my body.
you're seriously driving me nuts just thinking about you
vin
could you pls tell me if you're talking abt me
just say it in my face!
anything!!
or you can pass the msg.
just let me know
this suspence is killing me from the inside.
am i being over paranoied?
vin
