I blogged yesterday but I guess stupid blogger just didnt want to allow me to post it. Haha.
I've been rather happy this week. Since tuesday to be exact. Void whatever I said in the last post. Ok, maybe not everything la. So let me change my statement. LIFE'S GOOD AND I LOVE IT! Im happy, you're happy. You know what? I can just sing that song!!
I am H-A-P-P-Y
I am H-A-P-P-Y
I know i am
Im sure i am
I am H-A-P-P-Y
HAHAHA!
Atleast things are getting on the right track now, though there are still little hills that we have to climb up, the road down is always fast. A little giving in will never hurt, afterall it benifits both parties. I realise that I am contented very easily. Hmm. Is that just good or bad? Laughs- Seriously if you ask me I would think it's both of the above?
I admit that it's through these little fights and quarrels we have that makes us stronger. I know that it's through such times that we know we're really meant for each other. I know that we can go through the ups and downs in life, together. Im glad that we pulled through this, it's finally getting better.
If you dont get what i mean(it's ok, i dont know what im saying either. My thoughts are just everywhere. HAHA) Bottom line is just, im glad we're fine now, that we've grown stronger(:
I love you and always will.
It's as if my heart knows you're the missing piece..
vin
I hate the life im living right now. I don't know what's going on anymore, ANYMORE.
Can someone tell me why? I've been through this before and i know i can do it one more time. But why is it that this time i dont seem to be knowing what im doing? Am i doing it right? This time round, I feel as if it wont blow over. This time i feel like it's not going to be alright. Am i feeling this right?
When i call you seem so disinterested, like you dont want me there. But then again you were sleeping then. There's so much i wanted to say, but that very moment i heard you.. I went dumb. I dont know why, is it just me or is it true that we're going downhill. Whenever i think about us pain just flows down my cheeks and my heart just hurts so much. No matter how much i try to push it aside or away, at the end of the day it'll still be able to find me. Tell me, where do i go from here, what should i do now?
As much as i dont want this to be happening, it is. Is there anything that i can do to turn it around? You dont seem to care, you dont seem to love like you did, you dont seem to want anything to do with me. Even if im wrong, you dont even bother to say i am. Am i suppose to let us go like that? Without knowing why, without a reason.
I'm never shy but this is different
I can't explain the way I'm feeling tonight
I'm losing control of my heart
Tell me what can I do to make you happy
Nothing I ever say seems to come out right
I'm losing control of my heart
And I wish that I could be
Another better part of me
Can't hear what your thinking
Maybe if I just let go
you'd open up your heart
But I can't read you
I wish I knew what's going through your mind
Can't touch you, your heart defending
I get left behind
I can't reach you
I wish I knew what's going through your mind
Can't touch you, your heart protecting I get left behind
No no no no no
No no no no no
I like you so much I'm acting stupid
I can't play the game I'm all intense and alive
I'm losing control of my heart
I'm not supposed to be this nervous
I should play my hand all cool and calm
I can't breathe
I'm losing control of my heart
And I wish that I could see
The other better parts of me
Feel this fire I'm feeling
Then you'd see me in control
And baby then you'd know
But I can't read you
I wish I knew what's going through your mind
Can't touch you, your heart defending I get left behind
I can't reach you
I wish I knew what's going through your mind
Can't touch you, your heart protecting I get left behind
No no no no no I wish i knew what's going through your mind..
vin
I miss you.
So much.
vin
You know how hard it is to pretend that everything is fine. That i dont know you, that i dont the least bit care about you. Walking past you as if you were not there, like you dont exist. Sigh- It just hurts one so much to be acting this way. I dont want to act anymore! I dont want things to be like that. But do i have a choice?! NO!!
A BIG FAT N-O. It seriously sucks living a life like mine. Yet again, there really isnt anything that you can do about it.
Im just waiting for the day that my parents can trust me again to go out on my own. Without my mum following me. (or should i say vice versa?) It's just so obvious that whenever they ask me to follow them to some place somewhere it's so that they feel safe cause im near them and they know that i wont do anything "rash". This whole thing of trying to be nice is just so FAKE. If you want me close to you so that you can watch over me then just say so! Won't that make life so much batter. And who said that parents dont lie, "a white lie is still a lie" aint that what you ALWAYS say?! Yet when i asked if anyone called(knowing they did) you'll tell me no. Obviously i couldnt do a shit, im not suppose to know anything and so i just cant confront them. Just leave it as it is.
Atleast for now they're beginning to let go abit. I can use the phone but it's for sure that they'll ask who that is. I took the phone last night and when i wanted to return it mum woke up. When asked if i took it to the room well i decided to just say yes. Surprise, Surprise!! They didnt even scold me in the morning.
My life is just home, school and church. Tell me, when will everything be over?
i miss you.. (random but true)
vin
*Whoohoo
Finally i got that damn date header thing fixed.
Honestly, i aint good with those url stuff.
HAHA.
Took me quite sometime to figure it all out!
Alright, i learnt smth new today(:
I've got to go for sch on monday USUAL TIME!!
Which means that i have to attend assembly and all the shit.
DAMN!
Why do i have to do it?
So, prelim starts next week and what am i doing about it?
I've not started on Lit, which by the way is the first paper =x
I've got two prep work to complete and i've done let's count.
*zero..one..no, wrong! Again, zero..zero..ZERO!!
Yes, NONE!!
Plus my papercut's not done either.
I've still got all the white spaces to fill with colour.
IM D-E-A-D!
And to comfort myself:
I've done ABIT of chem, bio, math(??)
Ok, not comforting at all!!
Rars-
I've got so much more undone-s than done-s,
and there's no one else to blame myself.
I tried phsyco-ing myself that i ONLY have to study for this two months,
and when it's all over and done with i can play all i want.
But this lazy thing in me is just stronger somehow.
Sure i do want to study and get good grades!!
Who doesnt?!
I do know that there's two months left to study for Os
and before that's prelims.
Sigh-
Don't ask me what im going to do about it,
cause i dont know man!
Then there's this other thing bugging me.
I've got stuff i want to pass to YOU,
but im afraid that before i leave home on monday my parents would check my bag and stuff.
(im not kidding they WILL do it!)
They've been really tight on this shit.
Even as im using the com now, i got to have this other window to cover-up for me):
Now, i know how much "freedom" i had before.
Sigh-
God BLAST you man!!(refering the the asshole who told on us)
*im still feeling bitter about this!!
AIYA.. Can things just go back the way they used to be?!
Sucky shit.
Ok, it's not that i have stuff to pass and i cant that's bugging me.
I just miss YOU so bad.
What i say now wont even come close to how im really feeling,
it just hurts so bad.
Im sure that when we get back to school EVERYONE would be watching us.
The previous times we went back not everyone knew,
some teachers didnt.
Now, it's prelims and im sure ALL the teachers would know.
HOW?!
Sucks la.
The chorus of HAVE YOU EVER? is running thru my head.
Know that song?
Have you ever loved somebody so muchIt makes you cryHave you ever needed something so badYou can't sleep at nightHave you ever tried to find the wordsBut they don't come out rightHave you ever, have you everi find im crying to sleep every night,i have no control over it..
vin
Life's been on the down side
and everything just screwed in a matter of seconds.
Sigh-
Im back to having nothing,
no phone, no going out.
EVERYTHING!!):
Atleast my parents still have the decency to let my use the com.
They think that i dont have the password to my e-mail
and so equating to SAFETY!
WTF man, seriously.
So well, here's the twist.
I've crated another one!
HAHA.
I did think of this earlier but was too lazy to do so.
But well i finally moved my lazy hands/ass to do it.
It's more or less the same la.
dentedmetal_@hotmail.comYepp, there you have it!
I can use MSN now.
Laughs-
OH! prelims are next week.
GUESSWHAT?!
I've not studied.
Ok, i did abit.
At the very least my art is done(:
(as in all the white spaces are out)
Now, to buy coloured paper and stick them.
Did abit of chem,
cant study for long la.
(HELLO!!there's only a certain amount of time i can concentrate OK!!)
Yes, YOU* are the distraction.
Not till i have you seated infront of me i cant study la..
I've not heard from you for ages and honestly,
i miss you.
I MISS YOU!!!)'x
I want to know if you're ok.
If you're fine..
What ifs are just running through my mind..
I want you so bad..
vin
