I know I said Im not going to talk about her no more.
But I simply cant.
Im sorry
The text you sent me yesterday was insane.
I didnt know what I should say or how I should have reacted.
I knew I was happy cause it I know you were thinking about it.
But yet I also knew you were already with another.
Were you just messing with my mind or did you really mean it from your heart.
I'd prefere to go with the later.
Do know that I do think of you, all the time.
And you probably know that I'll take you back if you wanted to come back.
You probably know that I'll always be here for you.
Maybe, just maybe you take me for granted.
Like I've always been there and will alway be and that's why you just do what you want
cause no matter what you do to me,
I'll still forgive you.
For sure.
Tell me girl,
what am I to you now?
vin
This is it.
This will be the last time I'll whine about you.
Last time you all hear me speak of her.
If she can move on, so can I.
I guess.
Im not entirely sure I actually want to do this but Im doing it anyway.
It's pobably my way of saying
"you're free to go now, no more will I tell you how much I really do love you and how much I want to see you."
Just let me do it in secret.
I'll just be a friend.
You're friend.
I wish you well,
and hope everything goes on smoothly for you.
Make the right decisions and yea.
Goodbye love.
If fate allows us,
let us cross paths again.
Let me love you in secret.For the last time,"i love you"
vin
Okay.
So this is on of those entries that Pris gets all emo,
and if you're not a fan of emo-ness I sincerely suggest you move on:]
Just a warning before I get emo and I'll hear,
"Pris, why you so emo?"
HAHA.
"What Hurts The Most"I can take the rain on the roof of this empty houseThat don’t bother meI can take a few tears now and then and just let them outI’m not afraid to cry every once in a whileEven though going on with you gone still upsets meThere are days every now and again I pretend I’m okBut that’s not what gets meWhat hurts the mostWas being so closeAnd having so much to sayAnd watching you walk awayAnd never knowingWhat could have beenAnd not seeing that loving youIs what I was tryin’ to doIt’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I goBut I’m doin’ ItIt’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m aloneStill HarderGetting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regretBut I know if I could do it overI would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heartThat I left unspokenWhat hurts the mostIs being so closeAnd having so much to sayAnd watching you walk awayAnd never knowingWhat could have beenAnd not seeing that loving youIs what I was trying to doWhat hurts the mostIs being so closeAnd having so much to sayAnd watching you walk awayAnd never knowingWhat could have beenAnd not seeing that loving youIs what I was trying to doNot seeing that loving youThat’s what I was trying to doAnd so I chanced upon this song again when I was looking through the songs in my phone for a ringtone.
Let's just say I miss holding your hand every then and how we had each other
Let's just say I want to start everything all over now But then I know my chance for one last shot's gone and I cant turn back time If only I held backThen would things've been differentWould you have stayed behind or would you still have gone leaving meOr was this sooner or later?Yea, I composed that.
Said what I wanted.
It's actually another verse for that same song above.
See if you can fit the lyrics with the tune.
HAHA.
I can though.
Seriously,
I think you've kinda changed.
I probably did as well.
The language you use is so un-you.
Your reactions to situations are different.
This, is not the you I knew back then.
This, is not the beautiful; sophisticated girl I first saw with that aura that I felt was out of my league.
This, is...
Not you, not you at all.
Imissthatoldyou, somuch.
vin
Yet again, I dont know..
God, am repeating myself.
Pris, what do you want seriously.
HAHA.
Life is soooo boring.
You should give me something to do man.
Something EXCITINGGGG!!
Damnit.
School starts tomorrow and Im not exactly looking forward to it.
Well, it kinda adds to the 'sian-ness'.
But atleast there arent any morning lessons tmr:]
Im contamplating.
Should I stay home to sleep or should I go get some of that for you and send it to your school.
HAHA.
Know what Im talking about?
No?
Too bad.
Im waiting for the JC kids to finish with their mid-years.
HAHA.
By the way, it's ChocolateBanana not vice versa(:
vin
And to add on to what I said in the previous entry,
I keep bumping into Cia!!
Haha.
First she was with Yihui and the second time Bernice.
Hm.
Cia, if you're seeing this.
HELLOOO!!
HAHAHAHAHAHA.
I swear Im going insane.
Fuck it.
vin
I just got back not long ago.
Have not been coming home any earlier than 12 for the past few days.
Simply because, Pris doesnt feel like it.
Did the subject selection thing with Pau in the afternoon.
Lazed around and watched scary movie 3 at her place.
Off to town.
Meet B.
That idiot is FOREVER making pple wait for her or something.
I waited for more than half an hour la.
Lucky for her Im used to her lateness.
But well 1/2 hr not bad alr la,
better than 3.
FUCK.
HAHAHA.
Waited somemore for Tasha and friend.
(quite pretty!!)
I kinda not know how to spell her name.
Caught Nancy Drew,
not bad.
Pretty exciting.
HAHA.
We were supposed to eat but we didnt cause some people had to go off.
And I so could have sent YOU home if not for that motherfucking son of a bitch.
I swear I would have beaten him up if not for your presence.
This shouldnt be affecting me but HELL it does.
Truth is, Im still not over you.
It hurt a hell lot when I saw that MFSB with you.
FUCKKKKK.
Yea, I kinda miss you.
I miss you.
Met L and Eme.
Now I know why those two are together.
For one very obvious reason.
BOTH are INSANE.
Seriously.
HAHAHA.
Everything so random.
You dont reply my text nor call me.
Good, just disappear.
So much for being very very good friends.
Fuck you la.
And you, dont want to see him together with you anymore.
NEVER.
By the way, do you still feel for me?
You sound like you do.
Then again, maybe not.
vin
I dont knowwww.
The past week has been,
well, good.
I think.
Though things still not going the way I want it(life's not all about one),
Im okayy.
Or atleast I would like to think so.
Sunday/Monday was fun.
Tuesday
(which is today)
was not bad.
C2's class gathering only had 16 people.
Sad?
Not really.
Seoul Garden, I refused to eat cause the food there sucks.
I'd rather eat prata or something.
Walked around.
Everybody's so crazy.
After everyone went home.
I went on a hot date with Soph(just kidding!!)
I didnt want to go home just yet so she accompanied me.
Nice friend I have.
HAHA.
Ohwell, I miss you, you, and you.
vin
So it was CLIMAX @ play for L T and I.
It could have been better.
The dance floor was too empty.
Not what we had in mind.
HAHA.
Oh, there was this girl who was drunk,
and she went round kissing people.
INSANE!!
She kissed this shorty and two of them fell through the fake wall.
OMG!
Damn funny.
HAHAHAHAHA.
Then there was this couple who were gay.
(CONFIRM one la)
The way he dances is FUCKING funny!
It was as if he was shooting some bollywood movie.
OH GOD.
There are such wierd people.
L T and I left early.
They ate and we were off to town.
Caught Men In White at 2.15am.
HAHA.
I fell asleep.
But I have to say the show was fucking hilarious.
That "LAOSAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII" guy was the funniest.
So, everything was just last min.
"Eh, let's go for a movie"
"Ok, let's watch Men In White"
"Oh, is balcony still open?"
"Just try lo"
And so we ended up chilling there.
Fucking good man.
I swear I thought L and I wouldnt be able to go in.
But when the guy said,
"Ok, proceed upstairs"
Whoopee, we're in.
We had:
One Blowjob shooter,
One Tequila Sunrise,
One Chocolate Mint Creme,
One bottle of Heineken and
One Chicken with Mushroom pizza.
Cause we got hungry.
Then just before we left this woman beside us asked for us to cheers with her.
"Are you guys leaving in a hurry?"
"Er, no"
"Can you cheers with me, cause I dont want to drink alone"
When we said ok,
she claimed we look damn fierce.
When WE WERE ALL SMILING.
She's crazy man I tell you.
"Ok, I give you all one cup you share ok?"
"Ok"
"Cheers"
"Cheers"
Craziest shit man.
By the time we got home it was 5 plus 6 in the morning.
The two of them stayed over.
Youtubed and watched TV for abit.
I was tired,
I went to bed.
Three of us shared ONE QUEEN SIZED BED.
Fucking gay, I swear.
Cause no one wanted to sleep alone.
HAHA.
L and T just werent tired and so they stayed up talking about all sorts of shit under the sun.
And I couldnt sleep.
If I had the strength to get up and punch them I would man.
SO ANNOYING.
I was trying to sleep man.
They got up in the end.
Peace at last.
I feel asleep.
Thank god!
For your info,
they kept talking about the same thing over and over again.
They are such old naggy people.
HAHA.
I woke up at 11 and found those two gays sleeping in the next room.
T woke up at 12 and she left at 1 to meet Jeslyn.
I ordered 2 curry baked rice:]
Good food man.
L woke up at 2 when lunch was here.
We were still hungry so we cooked eggs and we added too much soya sauce the egg was so salty,
but we stil finished it.
HAHA.
It felt like heaven man.
All the booze and ciggs.
Man,
DAMN GOOD.
L and I stoned the whole day.
More ciggs and TV.
Belle came in the night with dinner for the hungry ghosts.
My godma came back with ice-cream.
Whoopee!
Strawberry cheesecake and cookies and cream.
More ciggs and then we went to bed.
Woke up at 10.30,
wash up, bathe.
More ciggs, ice-cream.
Home.
vin
So well it's officially over.
I couldnt help but cry.
Forgive me.
Im not exactly happy that you're ALREADY happening with someone else.
But so long as he treats you well, better that I do(cause I know I did)
Im really okay with it.
Well, you know I'll always be here for you still.
Like you said to me "you'll always be special to me"
You know it's the same here for me.
I guess I could say I loved you most.
Now, this chapter with you in it comes to an end.
But if you gave me another chance,
I'll still write it the same way, with a different ending.
The memories I have of us would always be kept close to my heart.
Somewhere, just somewhere, there'll always be a space for you.
I'll miss all those happy times we spent tgt.
Be it mearly sitting beside you watching you fall asleep on my shoulder on a long bus ride home or just chilling at some place we call our own.
These are cherished by me.
I guess if you had the choice you would want to stay.
Cause when you asked me why, I didnt know what to say,
then the look in your eyes just gave you away.
You know you still love me,
you know you still care.You know how big a part I took away with me when I left.
But right now, these dont matter anymore.
Anymore, cause you've moved far away.
The way you held me and the last tender moment we shared,
the disappointment that came so strongly across when you knew it wasnt there.
It'll never be the same again I questioned.
The question?
Left unanswered.
You constantly asked why I had to do it.
Honestly, I dont really know.
I got really upset,
if only you told me you were foced.
I wouldnt have reacted that way.
Im sorry I left you when you needed me the most.
I didnt mean to anyway]:
Im sorry..
For the last time I'll say:
Girl, I really love you..
WhenyouleftIlostapartofme..
vin
1.5 years, gone in not more than a weekI dont believe this.
You're moving on so fast.
I guess this just reconfirms the fact that you dont want me anymore.
I'll give one last shot.
And hope things turn out fine.
I hope you take me back.
I hope.
vin
Should I say I hate you or I love you?
I hate the way you're treating/treated me.
I dont know what you want anymore.
You've changed, that's sad.
I dont know how I should react to what you do cause it just hurts so bad.
Wait, do you even bother to come here to check on how Im doing?
Probably not.
IF feeling's have faded, please tell me.
I know I wont be able to take the blow,
but FUCK I'll deal with it sooner or later.
It's really depressing to hear what I did.
How can the tone and all be EXACTLY the same??
God, somebody save me.
I gave you my all, my everything.
And when I go a little off track, loose my control.
Did what I did.
This happens.
IF you did it to me?
All you had to say is sorry and I'll welcome you back with OPEN arms.
ANYTIME.
Why it is so hard to get it through?
You say it as if it's nothing.
Like everything's all cool and good for you.
Like I dont matter to you, not anymore.
It's just not like that for me.
Know how much I love you.
"The Pieces Don't Fit Anymore"
I've been twisting and turning in a space that's too small
I've been drawing the line and watching it fall
You've been closing me in , closing the space in my heart
Watching us fading and watching us fall apart
Well I can't explain why it's not enough
Coz I gave it all to you
And if you leave me now
Oh just leave me now
It's the better thing to doIt's time to surrender
It's been too long pretending
There's no use in trying
When the pieces don't fit anymoreOh, don't misunderstand how I feel
Coz I've tried, yes I've tried
Still I don't know why
No I don't know why
Why I can't explain why it's not enough
Coz I gave it all to you
And if you leave me now
Oh just leave me now
It's the better thing to doIt's time to surrender
It's been too long pretending
There's no use in trying
When the pieces don't fit anymore
The pieces don't fit anymoreYou pulled me under so I had to give in
Such a beautiful mess that's breaking my skin
Well I'll hide all the bruises; I'll hide all the damage that's done
But I show how I'm feeling until all the feeling has gone
Maybe it started even before I called for an end.
Maybe.
SIGH-
I seriously miss you..so bad baby,so bad..i gave it all to you-
vin
I hate feeling like this.
It's like Im so close to it yet not.
Maybe I should just let you go since I dont even know if you still love me.
I know you're waiting for me to smth and honestly I do have smth in mind.
But,
will it work?
Is it going to work?
I dont know and no one can tell me.
The things you tell me just hurts to bad.
You probably dont know it but Im telling you now that it does.
What is he still doing in your life?
Am I just being naive thinking you'll come back?
Or is this smth that works two ways?
Cause what happened on saturday just simply leaves me confused.
Im tired.
I cant go on like this anymore.
Not with you being like that.
The questions that keep resounding in my head over and over again just aint helping.
I just hate feeling like that.
It's not that I dont love you anymore or anything to that effect.
Just think,
If Im doing what you're doing to me now,
what will you think?
How would you feel?
Would you still take me back?
God, this is so hard.
ciggsgaloretmr-relief.
vin
